Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The likeness of a tree.





My emotions like the Branches of a tree. Strongly attached to the core of my being, yet when a storm hits they seem to thrash in the wind. And on the occasion a branch will break off and crash to the ground leaving a slivered raged open hole.
My body feels worn and tired. My womb like a hollowed out hole in my trunk, inhabiting a small babe, creating the perfect nest safe from the cold winds and rage of the outside. My skin becoming calloused with time showing signs of wear. The carvings of my family and loved ones have been cut deep into my bark for all to see. From my head grows wisdom, like fruit, growing more abundant and sweet with years. As I move from the shade of my mothers covering, my hair like leaves grows more wild and untamed, covering my own children. The seeds of my fruit fall over them and take root. My unborn children, like the saplings who have died at my roots, leaving rich nutrients in my soil, helping me to grow stronger and taller with each passing day. My feet like roots remain firmly planted in the soil without sway. And my bark, my God. For without my bark I would be left standing alone, naked in the cold storm of life.
This is who I am. Who I have become. Time only aiding my journey through life. Reminding me that the scares and callouses only add to the beauty of the creation. And only speaks to the wonderment of the creator.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Home.




I got released today! I'm ready for good food and full BED REST. Ok more the food and less the bed rest. And the best of all back to our Sweet Elina!! So wonderful to be home with her! She is so happy to have us home again. At the moment she and seth are out shopping for some groceries. She was very adamant that only her and papa go. Not me. It is such a wonderful thing as a mother to see a fathers face light up like that.

So here is what my OB ended up feeling is wrong with me. I did have a slight partial abruption. Looks like a small tear around the edge of the placenta. Also I am very anemic. My Iron levels came back high because I had been taking floridex (Liquid Iron supplement) and this caused my blood level to show high amounts of iron. However my iron storage in my body is extremely depleted. So it's a matter of waiting for my iron storage to fill and bring my blood count back up. It will be nice to do this in the comfort of my home in my bed.

The reason for the bed rest is because if I do too much I could cause the abruption to continue to worsen and more bleeding. Also I have been trying off and on to go into labor. And it would be so wonderful for baby Bella if we could hold off until the 18th. (induction date) Sooo bed rest it is. I am much looking forward to my belly blessing on Friday, because this belly can use all the blessings it can get!

As most of you also know (I have an older blog on this) The reason for the induction is because I also have a rare condition called Cholestasis. I have to deliver by 37 weeks or our sweet baby is put under a high risk of stillbirth. But she is very strong and I feel that her birth is going to be wonderful and beautiful!

So once more thank you so much for your concern and love. I know the trials are not over and it will take some time to get my body back on track, but we are one step closer.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Still here...




Sacred heart RiverBend Hospital.
Day 3 here ending and I was ready to be home a few hours in. I know that many of you know I am in the hospital on bed rest and have been since Friday eve/Sat Morn 1AM. But for those of you who don't know I guess I will start with Friday night.

Friday night I noticed I was bleeding around 11PM. It wasn't an enormous amount of blood so we decided to drive to our Hospital in Eugene. At first we were told it was A placental abruption. At first I was showing all the signs. The numbers in my blood count shot down and I started to go into labor. I started having contractions close together and I dialated to 3. Then it all stopped. Which is good because I was only 35 weeks. Bella Is healthy and her heart is so amazingly strong right now. We are really proud of her.

Today my O.B. came and talked to us. He ordered me an ultra sound and said if it came back looking good I should get to leave Tomorrow. This however was before he ordered some blood testing. So now we are still in some sort of limbo of not knowing what is really going on with me or how long we will be here. Today I started having some pretty bad 'light-headedness' and shortness of breath. We thought that this must all be related to my anemia, however my iron levels are great. Now we have gotten other blood tests back and 3 of them came back a significant amount below what they should be at the lowest. It is looking like my body has stopped making red blood cells. We are so ready to be home and hopeful that we can get home tomorrow. It is hard to be in a time of waiting, and not understanding what any of this means for me or baby.

So that is kinda all the physical of what is going on. As far as emotional this has been very difficult. The unknown can be a terrifying thing. Seth and I have found it so difficult to be here without Elina. We as a family compete each other and her absence have left us feeling incomplete, and anxious. Most days it actually overrides my worries of what is going on with me.

I know this is a lot to take in. We are trying to understand it all ourselves.
Thank you for reading this and caring for us. We are so grateful for our support right now.

God is so good. We know in time this will all make sense to us.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011