Still here...

Sacred heart RiverBend Hospital.
Day 3 here ending and I was ready to be home a few hours in. I know that many of you know I am in the hospital on bed rest and have been since Friday eve/Sat Morn 1AM. But for those of you who don't know I guess I will start with Friday night.

Friday night I noticed I was bleeding around 11PM. It wasn't an enormous amount of blood so we decided to drive to our Hospital in Eugene. At first we were told it was A placental abruption. At first I was showing all the signs. The numbers in my blood count shot down and I started to go into labor. I started having contractions close together and I dialated to 3. Then it all stopped. Which is good because I was only 35 weeks. Bella Is healthy and her heart is so amazingly strong right now. We are really proud of her.

Today my O.B. came and talked to us. He ordered me an ultra sound and said if it came back looking good I should get to leave Tomorrow. This however was before he ordered some blood testing. So now we are still in some sort of limbo of not knowing what is really going on with me or how long we will be here. Today I started having some pretty bad 'light-headedness' and shortness of breath. We thought that this must all be related to my anemia, however my iron levels are great. Now we have gotten other blood tests back and 3 of them came back a significant amount below what they should be at the lowest. It is looking like my body has stopped making red blood cells. We are so ready to be home and hopeful that we can get home tomorrow. It is hard to be in a time of waiting, and not understanding what any of this means for me or baby.

So that is kinda all the physical of what is going on. As far as emotional this has been very difficult. The unknown can be a terrifying thing. Seth and I have found it so difficult to be here without Elina. We as a family compete each other and her absence have left us feeling incomplete, and anxious. Most days it actually overrides my worries of what is going on with me.

I know this is a lot to take in. We are trying to understand it all ourselves.
Thank you for reading this and caring for us. We are so grateful for our support right now.

God is so good. We know in time this will all make sense to us.

Self portrait.

Positive.

So the Test came back showing what we pretty much already knew. I indeed have Cholestasis. Even though we saw this coming the reality of it all is something that is more than slightly hard to swallow. In one test my possibility of ever having a home birth has been cut down by 90%. I know that maybe some people wont understand my sadness in this. But birth is and has been for the past 3 years my PASSION. I love it! Love the beauty of it! Love the moment when sweet little baby enters the world as goes right onto mommy. That sweet moment that I so wanted to experience in the comfort and warmth of my home. I was able to have Elina at Bella Vie birthing center and that was wonderful. I will still get to experience that sweet moment with Bella, just not in the same environmental as was hoped for. I am grateful that the hospital where I am having Bella has started a new approach to child birth that is much like a midwives approach. Once the baby is born, as long as the baby is healthy, the little one goes straight to the mommy and does not leave her for at least an hour or more. And when they do take her for a short moment it is only to weigh and get measurements.

Sorry this is all a bunch of rambles... I hope that I am able to convey my hearts sadness at this time in a way that helps some to understand what I am feeling.

But please do not let this come out as if I am in anyway ungrateful for my healthy baby GIRL! I am so thrilled to meet her in just a few short weeks, and also so thrilled that she can be born healthy. I do love my Doctor and my Midwife/doula both so much. They are both extremely supportive of no epidural, as little if any pitocin. They are going to try some other was to induce first Pit is kinda a last resort thing.

On a very exciting note, we have some wonderful pictures of our sweet girl! Here is little Bella Coquille!

Test results tomorrow.

Tomorrow the test results will be in for whether or not I have Cholestasis. I am considered at this point a presumed case. Which means my Dr. and Midwife are assuming I have it even without results. There is just nothing else at this point that could be causing all these symptoms. I have started the 2 trips a week to Eugene and the meds... which is kinda helping but more just making me tired at night that I can sleep. About every other night I wake up scratching my legs and they are burning. I find that if I keep myself busy it is harder to pay attention to the itching. However it also wears me out to do to too much. We are continuing to go on with inducement plans :/ Kinda crazy how all my birth plans have been turned upside down in a matter of days. But I am grateful that we have the availability to even do this to keep our sweet girl safe. Even if I can not have an awesome home birth in my tub... at least I have a super awesome jacuzzi tub. :D For now we are planing to induce 3-4 weeks from today! Crazy. I went from having 8 weeks left to 4.
At this point that is all the update I have. I have an appointment tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.
I'll try to keep you all updated.

Birth Music...

My ears have been enjoying the sweet melodic sounds of Cat Power.
However I have been wanting to hear Nico Case and she is no where to be found. This is sad.

However this musicy mood has got me thinking. I need to start looking forward to what is going to be serenading the birth of my beautiful sweet Bella. With Elina I listened to Iron and Wine, and Sigur Ros. Both excellent choices.
Maybe Some Explosions...
Any Suggestions?

Bella = Baya

BTW Our name is pronounced Baya. The double 'L's are silent. It's Spanish for beautiful.

It's a GIRL???!!!

Um... what? hahaha.
SO as many of you know we were told boy at around 20 weeks. However during the appointment to day we had an ultrasound the revealed we are undoubtedly having a baby GIRL!
Welcome baby BELLA COQUILLE!!!